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Men, at their most useless state

I've been thinking a lot about this subject and whether or not I should pick on the other species one more time. I just can't help it, can I?! They are such an easy target that spring my feminism levels right to the top. This one is about those men (in case you were still wondering who I was talking about) that decide to accompany their lovely wife/girlfriend/partner/sister/mum-for-Christ-sake to the shops. You know, when they go shopping. No, I don't mean food or furniture shopping. I mean actual clothes. Please tell me you've never noticed an inanimate soul standing in Zara, not looking at anything, not doing anything, just taking up OUR space. Yes, you have and yes, it is our space. Especially because they are always in our way, just when you need to pick that specific rail to get size 36 as 38 is way too big (you did start that diet so you will fit in that 36 no matter what!). There they are, huge, clumsy, knocking half of the hangers down and occupying an unmeasurable amount of space that you could be using to buy that perfect top that would change your life. I'm starting to sound like Rebecca Bloomwood from Confessions of a shopaholic, next step is to make up excuses not to pay my credit card bill. No, only joking.

Anyway, I've asked myself why this happens. And I can't help but blame women. Whyyyy on earth would you ask/let your man come browsing clothes with you?! Who would want such misery? You want their opinion? I can tell you right now they will say you look good in that slutty dress or bad in that skirt that looks like it came out of your grandmother's wardrobe. Or just the opposite, if he's the conservative (aka jealous!) type he will say that dress shows way too much skin and your mum wouldn't be proud. Here's me generalising as usual - I know there may be one or two exceptions that like (cough, pretend!) to have an opinion and are not that bad after all. But for these ones - they STILL take up some precious space that could be much better used; And they wander around the fitting rooms when I want to see myself in the big mirror outside, which is awkward (for him and for you!); And... it's just wrong.

The only thing they're good for is to carry our one-too-many bags - and for that, my friends, they can wait outside.

11 March 2014 2 Comments

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The blazer issue

My dearest friends, I come in peace to express my frustrations and give a bit of a tip on a peculiar subject. I'm pretty sure the majority of men who are potentially reading this never even thought about what I'm about to say so this is for you. And some women too, don't think you can leave your seat!

So you know when the winter starts, it gets a bit chilly and you go to your fav shop to get a new blazer or a new coat for the season? Well, if you pick a decent one, it will come with a little cross made by sewing lines on the back, right at the bottom, in the centre of it. This is to keep it within its form and it's there for a reason. Although, this reason stops existing when you actually WEAR the coat/blazer. This is to be cut!!! Like a price tag, you see? Do not walk down the road thinking you're rocking a cool one with the little cross in the end that makes you look like a coat hanger! Makes sense?! 

Ok, that's all.

16 January 2014 Comments

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Is he HOT, is he NOT…?!


N.B. I start by saying I’m a hypocrite. I am and I admit it. Why? Because my boyfriend is the Beef and he goes against all the rules I state below. Well maybe not all, especially not the bracelets one, that would be the end. But I must say he’s in current training and it’s going well, with all the “Party Shirts” coming for approval first (don’t tell him that, he doesn't know. The trick is to make it sound like it’s all their idea…) and the track suit option being a marriage stopper. Give me time!


Found myself daydreaming about this today. As an obsessed-by-shopping person, I can’t help to notice every single piece of clothes everyone is wearing all the time. Especially in meetings, where there is only one person talking for most of the time and not always directly to you; and especially to the top of the body, as the rest is under the table. When I’m walking around the office, I definitely check out all the girls and pretty much know their wardrobes by heart. But in this case, I’m referring to men particularly.

Having worked in a corporate environment for the past 3 years, I've always thought men were super lucky without even realising it. Fair enough they can’t vary much from the grey/dark blue/black suit trousers and a shirt – debatable, you would always find an anomaly within the company that has some twisted concepts of a smart dress code. But if you look at it from another perspective, they are quite blessed. Why? Well –

- The majority of men in your company probably wear a track suit for most of the time they’re not in an actual suit. And you’re lucky if you can escape the slippers when at home;
- From the ones that don’t, about 70% are likely to have ugly clothes in general, including white trainers or pointy shoes at best;
- The other 30% (thinking I’m actually being generous here!) should be OK, although you can count with some random item every once and a while that makes you doubt if you’re potentially interested.

BUT. And because there is always a but, my point is: they are lucky because you don’t always know!! You can roughly work out their type but you don’t know which category they belong to if their dress code is quite plain to work. Example: If he doesn't know the word fashion or has any sense of style but doesn't want to look like a fool and is fairly clued up he will wear a black suit and white/blue shirt variations all the time. Now, how do you know?! You don’t. Especially when they are in a pack. It’s kind of the cheerleader effect, you see? All in a room, similar clothes, OK perfumes and you go: Wow! WRONG. Major mistake.

Now you’re probably wondering where I’m going with this. Well, there is a sign that can help you identify these dangerous species: the wrists. Weird? Not so much. Going back to the meeting room, where they are all sat down and you can only see the shirt and this might be an OK one, look at the wrists. There is no bigger turn-off than the “lucky bracelets”. Yes, those colourful ones we used to wear when we were 12, for good luck and happiness or whatever they sold us at the time. Whyyyyyy?! And why do they always have to come in a pack too? 1, 2, 3, they go crazy! Maybe thinking ‘oh who notices this?! It’s totally fine, it will probably be covered by the watch…’. Of course we notice! And of course you lose all your credibility!


And of course the HOT goes NOT, just like that…

19 November 2013 Comments

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